crab sandwich

A while back I was lucky enough to spend four months traveling though Southeast Asia, bouncing around, eating street food and getting by where I could live fairly comfortably off Alaska unemployment.¹

First stop: Bali.

I followed the guidebooks straight to Kuta Beach, where by day I flailed around in the waves on a surfboard, and by night I tried to convince myself I was still in my early twenties.²

Kuta Beach

The room or apartment or whatever it was that I was staying was nice enough: cheap, clean and close to the beach. There was just one thing: roaches.

Big ones.

Think: Milano Cookie from hell.

During the day everything would be OK, but at night I’d come home to a bunch³ of roaches hanging out in my bathroom.  There’d be four or five just blatantly loitering on the tile.

First I tried the obvious: kill them. Thwak! (Nasty.)

Next day: more roaches.

Then I tried entrapment: “Quick! Put the bowl over those three on the floor!”

OK. Now what?

Then I tried rationalization: At least they can’t climb into my bed.

It turns out, in fact, that roaches are very deft climbers. One night as I was trying to shoosh some brown soldiers back into the bathroom, one kamikazeed off the top of the door and glanced off my shoulder/neck before flying⁴ into one side of an open wardrobe, which I promptly shut.

I guess I won’t be using that closet again. And I guess I won’t be sleeping tonight.

Finally on about the fourth night, I had my breakthrough: I spent a good five minutes standing over two roaches. I got in real close to just take in their hideousness. Why in the hell do you freak me out so much?! Why do I hate you? Is it some sort of caveman reflex? WHO ARE YOU!?

I took a few deep breaths and just sat with the roaches, taking in my own fear, resentment and repulsion.

Then I looked over and saw that there was a gaping hole in a drain on the bathroom floor. The next day I put a trash can on top and presto: no more roaches.

I never did open up that wardrobe again, though.

The inspiration.⁵

We had just been saying, “Boy … we haven’t seen any cockroaches around in a while.”

Thanks Nina for the industrial strength critter killer!